despairscall (despairscall) wrote in scar_myself,

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Breaking point

Well I don't think I have posted here in a long time...

My parents are being the usual "physically assertive" asses that they are..I usually don't take shit but it's taking a toll..

My depression has gotten much worse to the point here I am getting psychically sick...I even puked a few times. I notice myself getting weaker and weaker, day by day, yet I still have a little will to fight left in me. But of course that means mores cuts...I can't stop it, I don't do it with intention to kill myself, but the number increased..It's the only way I can feel.
I feel that If I talk to someone I'm only being a bother to them..I mean who wants to deal with this shit? Broken and damaged, possibly beyond repair. It doesn't help that even though I have friends I could confide in...My self esteem is so low, it's non-existent...I feel that even if I say something to someone, I'm doing something wrong..I can't face disappointing someone either, I feel so horribly bad, it stays with me for months...I can't turn to anyone for help, and fuck the pills I should be taking...I can't stand it when I first tried them, it wasn't the first time I had a bad experience with pills..

It's getting harder to hide the cuts too...I had to find some new places...I don't know I just need to write something, even at this moment I feel so weak and sickly, I feel pathetic..I just want to crawl in a corner and just cut until I can stop the pain I feel and just lie there..funny how it was never this much of a comfort before...
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