Mis_Disturbed (a_brattish_girl) wrote in scar_myself,
Mis_Disturbed
a_brattish_girl
scar_myself

F y'all too.

Feeling stupid.
How could I make my self think I was better for so long?
I cut just a month ago I didn't do it all summer. What a long time for me.
I feel the itch the need for that blade.
God it's funny.
You say you know me all my friends HA!
You see nothing past the stupid smile an fake hyperness I do as a show for you.
I want to get out break free.
Why the hell am I here? Can't I walk away finally please!
Sometime I pray that god will let me crash my car in a 'freak' acasdent so my family doesn't have to think 'if I did this I could have saved her'
Yeha well you cant!
Just face it ima die a early death weather it's after I join the army or before it's gonna happen bc I hate this life.
Which is sad because I thought I was getting better.. God how stupid am I? I fooled myself for awhile.
I have a great bf right now he's so sweet we have been dating almost week.. How long tell I screw it up? Who knows.
How long tell he realizes he can't do anything to help me that I'll always cut cuz it's what helps me?
How long tell he turns his back on me forever?
Good damn questions!
You know I said I am gonna be 100% real on this well I'm bi sexual yeha I like girls maybe more then guys hell idk do my parents know this? No
Will they? HA probably not!!
Maybe that's why I cut I like girls yurp maybe my parents will come across this who knows maybe!
Let me' just die in peace please I'm tired of hiding who I an of having to zip my lips an not bring attention to myself like I'm fucking 8 years old ha no I'm 18!! An adult can't you get that yet? No!?
Fine bye!
JUST LET ME OUT DAMN IT I WANT TO SCREAM LET ME GO LET ME CRY LET THIS PAIN LEAVE MY BODY LET IT JUST WASH AWAY I CAN'T HANDLE THIS I WANT TO BE GONE TO DISPEAR AN NOT HAVE TO HEAR A WORD ABOUT IT TO NOT HAVE TO LETT PEOPLE SAY A WORD WHY CAN'T I JUST LET IT HO HAVE THAT RAZOR AGAINT MY SKIN I CLOSE MY EYES AN SEE MY SELF NOT CUTTING BUT WRIPING MY SKIN OFF BIG CHUNKS HERE AN THERE MY ARMS JUST MUSCLE BONE AN BLOOD NO SKIN DEEP SQUARE PEACES OUT OF MY ARM LIKE CARVING FOR MEAT ALL JUST GONE THEN I WILL BE ABLE TO BREATHE THEN I CAN BE ME AFTER I'M FREE.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 2 comments
<3
It gets better believe me. I promise you, you are NOT going to feel like this for your whole life. I'm 24 years old now and I didn't have the same addiction as you but I had one none the less. I was bulimic/anorexic. I felt satisfaction from purging. I felt like by doing that I could just disappear. I've realized just how precious life is. We only get one chance here. I know there are times when you feel there is no way out and all you wanna do is run to you vice, but gotta keep trying to succeed each and every day. There may be a lot of tear and fighting with yourself on the inside but those days will get fewer and far between. You can't keep knockin' yourself down every time you have those thoughts because that will just make you weaker. You need to be strong. And I see that you are by the way you express yourself. You need to be strong, not for your boyfriend, not for your parents, not for your goddamn army recruiter, ONLY for yourself. I promise you the it will get better! The fight will be tough, but there are people out there listening to you.