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What does it mean to cut yourself? [28 Nov 2017|03:08pm]

2shy2scream
Hello, old friends. Well, the 0 of you that are still here.
I went back and read my old entries (even though my old journal has been purged).
At 13, I had cut long enough for me to start looking for support.
Now, I've joined a group on reddit that's an echo chamber of kids self harming and making bad jokes.
I think I've accepted this as much as I can.
I can't even wear shorts, or skirts, or bathing suits. scars, scars, scars.
It's funny how much you think you've grown up, when in reality, you've just gotten better at shutting the fuck up about it.
It DID kind of start because I wanted attention. Now I hide because I don't want it.
Bigger blades, bigger scars. be careful what you start.
(2)> Drag the blade

Have you ever wished / wanted somebody else would cut you? [16 Aug 2014|06:12pm]

vampire4u
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )
Drag the blade

again. [19 Mar 2012|04:10pm]

a_brattish_girl
[ mood | aggravated ]

I honestly cant tell you the last time i cut my self before last night. Im sure it was about a month or two ago. I dont remember the reason either. I just wish I could stop that it wasn't something i need to do. I also wish people would stop treating it like its some kewl thing to do to get attention like that your become bestfriends with someone because they cut and you start to like you two will understand everything because that person started cutting also there is this girl who wants to be exactly like me im sure i should be flattered and all but once she found I was a cutter now all she talks to me about is asking how to hide it or she just shows them off its annoying that she thinks it is kewl. It's not i struggle with it every single day of my life its not something i do to get sympathy from anyone it's something i cant control like a desies.

Drag the blade

[25 Aug 2011|11:45pm]

waistedyouth
I'm not an exceptionally bright person. I've never had a problem with comprehension and I have a strange knack for complex patterns.. but in a lot of ways I completely lack common sense, for lack of a better term at this moment. I've been cutting again, and I guess for me that's okay at this point in my life. That's how I feel at least, though the rational part of my mind is unceasing in reminding me that that's a dangerous mixture of idiocy and lunacy. I really, really hate my scars. I really hate that they're once again multiplying so quickly. There's consequences to it. I can't take off my shirt around other people so no swimming or just enjoying the sun, I can't be intimate with anyone, I can't look at myself and escape the feeling that I'm not a well adjusted and functional person.. I'm not, not even fucking close.

I've been thinking about shit, my crappy childhood, the other crappy years, stuff, things.. it's all been running through my head and it occurred to me that I've been more introverted, which I'm glad of, but there's a small handful of people that matter to me, one I even genuinely care about, well really I adore her. Not in a romantic way, I don't think at least, just.. she's an awesome person and really I felt like maybe I should let down the emotionless front for a second and let her know that I care and I'm here if she needs me. I'm not used to that, it's something I just don't do, it came out awkwardly and in retrospect I'm afraid she might have gotten the impression I was hitting on her or something.. maybe that's just paranoia though. Either way it came out sounding insincere and just lame. I feel pretty damn embarrassed by it.. really, and I understand it's a huge over reaction and completely silly, I feel humiliated. I'm disgusted by that, but it's how I feel, which is often at odds with how I think.

It was all an excuse, deep down, where the truth is hard to face so it gets shuffled aside.. something to justify my emotions. The event wasn't premeditated or the feelings, but once there that ugly part of me just fed off of it and it's all I needed to justify doing what we come here to talk about. It didn't work this time though. The intensity of my ridiculous feelings didn't wane.

So, I decided fuck it.. I'll go get branded, for fucks sake that has got to be something I can grab onto for some sort of hard to define relief. It seemed like an alright idea, and probably expensive, which is good because I can't buy a gun to blow my brains out if I don't have the money for it. Little temporary distractions can sometimes help me endure.


Shit it's late. Goodnight, internet.
Drag the blade

Breaking point [19 Mar 2011|02:42am]

despairscall
[ mood | sick ]

Well I don't think I have posted here in a long time...

My parents are being the usual "physically assertive" asses that they are..I usually don't take shit but it's taking a toll..

My depression has gotten much worse to the point here I am getting psychically sick...I even puked a few times. I notice myself getting weaker and weaker, day by day, yet I still have a little will to fight left in me. But of course that means mores cuts...I can't stop it, I don't do it with intention to kill myself, but the number increased..It's the only way I can feel.
I feel that If I talk to someone I'm only being a bother to them..I mean who wants to deal with this shit? Broken and damaged, possibly beyond repair. It doesn't help that even though I have friends I could confide in...My self esteem is so low, it's non-existent...I feel that even if I say something to someone, I'm doing something wrong..I can't face disappointing someone either, I feel so horribly bad, it stays with me for months...I can't turn to anyone for help, and fuck the pills I should be taking...I can't stand it when I first tried them, it wasn't the first time I had a bad experience with pills..

It's getting harder to hide the cuts too...I had to find some new places...I don't know I just need to write something, even at this moment I feel so weak and sickly, I feel pathetic..I just want to crawl in a corner and just cut until I can stop the pain I feel and just lie there..funny how it was never this much of a comfort before...

(3)> Drag the blade

Words are hard to find... [14 Feb 2011|01:17am]

eva_belmort
[ mood | anxious ]

How do you tell someone that you're a cutter? That the few faded scars visible on your wrist are the tip of the proverbial iceberg, that some days the only way to calm your spiralling thoughts is to drag a blade across your skin until everything slows with steady drip of blood?

Genuinely asking, here. I'm maybe-dating somebody, and I want to tell them, it's important to me, but I do not talk about this, have never told anybody, and I have no idea how. I tried, actually opened my mouth to say the words, but I froze up, felt sick and scared, and wound up saying something so banal I can't even remember what it was. Advice? Help? Please?

(2)> Drag the blade

Dermatillomania Documentary! (and I need your help) [04 Feb 2011|08:58am]

flamegirl_kitty
[ mood | accomplished ]

After working on my dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking) documentary for over a year and a half, the trailer is out! Please share this in other online communities you are involved in, and to anyone. I want this video to go viral for the people who need to see it. Thank you!



My facebook page is: http://www.facebook.com/pages/FOREVER-MARKED-A-Dermatillomania-Diary-by-Nova-Scotian-author-A-Hartlin/177738602694

Drag the blade

Still recruiting participants for study on self-harm [01 Dec 2010|02:26pm]
perl_sfu
Hi there,

I know some members from this group have participated in our research, so I wanted to send along a quick update and to let you know that we are still recruiting participants for our research on self-harm.  The Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury Study began in March 2009. Since we began, over 350 people from 18 different countries have participated in this study. 83 people are currently participating in the longitudinal portion of the study, completing questionnaires every three months. This part will help us understand patterns of self-injury over time, as well as what motivates people to recover or stop from self-injuring. 

Below is some more information about the study. Please email us at perl@sfu.ca if you have any questions or if you are interested in participating!

Best wishes!
The Personality and Emotion Research Lab




****************************************
********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************



Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm? We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! Participating in the study takes 2 hours, and you will receive an online gift certificate worth $10 CAD for each time point you complete, plus a chance for a $25 bonus if you complete all the follow-ups for a total of $75.

If you are interested in participating, please email us at perl@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.


****************************************
**********************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information:

Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do:

If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 2 hour to complete. Later, you’ll have a chance to complete follow-up questionnaires over a 12 month period. Although the first session is long, the follow-up questionnaires are shorter, and usually take on 30 to 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate:

We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.You must be at least 16 years old to participate.

What’s in it for you:

Participants who complete the questionnaires will receive a $10 (Canadian currency) gift certificate each time you complete the questionnaires (from amazon.com or PayPal). In addition, you will receive a $25 bonus if you complete all five follow-ups in the first year! Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information:

This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.

Please contact us at perl@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6
Drag the blade

Please Help Us Understand Self-harm [24 Oct 2010|10:29pm]
perl_sfu
 Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm? We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! We are looking for people who have self-injured, whether you are currently trying to stop or not, to complete questionnaires every 3 months for one year to understand patterns of self-harm over time. Participating in the study takes 2 hours, and you will receive an online gift certificate worth $5 CAD for each time point you complete, plus a chance for a $25 bonus if you complete all the follow-ups over one year for a total of $50.

If you are interested in participating, please email us at emotion@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.


**************************************************************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information:

Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do:

If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 2 hour to complete. Later, you’ll have a chance to complete follow-up questionnaires over a 12 month period. Although the first session is long, the follow-up questionnaires are shorter, and usually take on 30 to 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate:

We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.You must be at least 16 years old to participate.

What’s in it for you:

Participants who complete the questionnaires will receive a $5 (Canadian currency) gift certificate each time you complete the questionnaires (from amazon.com or PayPal). In addition, you will receive a $25 bonus if you complete all five follow-ups in the first year! Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information:

This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.

Please contact us at emotion@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6
(1)> Drag the blade

F y'all too. [10 Oct 2010|10:04pm]

a_brattish_girl
Feeling stupid.
How could I make my self think I was better for so long?
I cut just a month ago I didn't do it all summer. What a long time for me.
I feel the itch the need for that blade.
God it's funny.
You say you know me all my friends HA!
You see nothing past the stupid smile an fake hyperness I do as a show for you.
I want to get out break free.
Why the hell am I here? Can't I walk away finally please!
Sometime I pray that god will let me crash my car in a 'freak' acasdent so my family doesn't have to think 'if I did this I could have saved her'
Yeha well you cant!
Just face it ima die a early death weather it's after I join the army or before it's gonna happen bc I hate this life.
Which is sad because I thought I was getting better.. God how stupid am I? I fooled myself for awhile.
I have a great bf right now he's so sweet we have been dating almost week.. How long tell I screw it up? Who knows.
How long tell he realizes he can't do anything to help me that I'll always cut cuz it's what helps me?
How long tell he turns his back on me forever?
Good damn questions!
You know I said I am gonna be 100% real on this well I'm bi sexual yeha I like girls maybe more then guys hell idk do my parents know this? No
Will they? HA probably not!!
Maybe that's why I cut I like girls yurp maybe my parents will come across this who knows maybe!
Let me' just die in peace please I'm tired of hiding who I an of having to zip my lips an not bring attention to myself like I'm fucking 8 years old ha no I'm 18!! An adult can't you get that yet? No!?
Fine bye!
JUST LET ME OUT DAMN IT I WANT TO SCREAM LET ME GO LET ME CRY LET THIS PAIN LEAVE MY BODY LET IT JUST WASH AWAY I CAN'T HANDLE THIS I WANT TO BE GONE TO DISPEAR AN NOT HAVE TO HEAR A WORD ABOUT IT TO NOT HAVE TO LETT PEOPLE SAY A WORD WHY CAN'T I JUST LET IT HO HAVE THAT RAZOR AGAINT MY SKIN I CLOSE MY EYES AN SEE MY SELF NOT CUTTING BUT WRIPING MY SKIN OFF BIG CHUNKS HERE AN THERE MY ARMS JUST MUSCLE BONE AN BLOOD NO SKIN DEEP SQUARE PEACES OUT OF MY ARM LIKE CARVING FOR MEAT ALL JUST GONE THEN I WILL BE ABLE TO BREATHE THEN I CAN BE ME AFTER I'M FREE.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

(2)> Drag the blade

Just Thoughts. :] [06 Oct 2010|08:52pm]

a_silent_wisper
[ mood | tired ]

I'm strange.
I hate veins and I hate needles.
Yet I love to cut myself.
I cut around my veins.
When you first see and meet me, I'm all smiles.
I've been told I'm a "prep".
Heh.
I don't dress "emo". [skinny jeans count?]
but I heard that "emo" is out. now "scene" is just left.
lmfao.
Oh boy. People are so fucking stupid.
They call themselves "scene" because they think they're being "different" and "unique", when in fact they're not.
I remember a certain person found out that I cut myself and they started making fun of me saying "cut preppy cut!"
I wonder who still thinks or knows I cut.
I cut myself last night with scissors. It was the first time in 2 months.
Ah well. Fail again.
I haven't been praying to God lately. I think I'm gonna start doing that more often now.
Just been busy or forgetting to.
I want to watch Teen Mom right now, but I'm supposed to my writing my english paper.
Does anyone else watch Teen Mom? :D
Well. This entry was about nothing.
lol.

Drag the blade

FRUSTRATION... [06 Oct 2010|10:36pm]
psykokitty85
[ mood | frustrated ]


So tonight I was talking to a friend about cutting.  I have been feeling down over the last little while after recovering for some time.  I didn't say I was actually going to cut.. but she made it out to be like the worst thing in the world.  Cutting has allowed me to release some of the pain inside me so it doesn't well up into suicidal thoughts, plans and actions.  How can that possibly be the worst thing in the world, if it has kept me alive?

I hate that people do not understand cutting.  I hate that they do not understand anything about the feelings that you cut to get a release from.. Seriously if they did, they would understand and perhaps be more ACCEPTING.

I have been on medication for the last 11 years.. up until about 3 months ago... I stopped with medical advice, and I know that I did the right thing.  Not being medicated has allowed me to feel the raw emotion, not blocked out with medications.  I need to deal with my issues now, while I can without being doped up too much to talk about it.  And I don't want to cut, because I haven't for like 10 months... but I just need my FRIENDS to understand that has been part of who I am and by them judging cutting I feel as though they are judging me.

I'm over it.. going to bed.


(1)> Drag the blade

[28 Sep 2010|02:44pm]

silencedlambxx

I let him into my mind, to show how I feel. Trusted him with everything.
"I'll love you forever"
"Favorite person in the world"
Until you "don't feel the way you used to."

So much for how I feel.

Cut myself after not for several weeks, didn't really know what else I could do.

Everything reminds me of him.
I still love him.

Can't even describe my pain.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

(1)> Drag the blade

Depression and I can't stop it [19 Sep 2010|08:00pm]

despairscall
Well I'm new here..so I suppose I should do an intro of myself? Well first off, my name's Jess, and I cut and also suffer from depression. My family is problematic, and my mother drinks a lot, so when ever I'm near her, I kinda pay for it. My father on the other hand, is just angry every time he comes from work...

I'm sick of being alone all the time, I mean my own parents can't even stand the sight of me, and I pay for it with bruises. They're the one who led me to cutting. It's so hard not to. Every day I wake up and can't stand the sight of myself. As my parents repeatedly say, I shouldn't have been born. And in addition to cutting, and being deeply depressed, I also hallucinate due to stress from it. I can't take things much longer. I'm so glad that fall is near, now i can wear long sleeves and not be looked at funnily. I wear it during the summer to hide other marks..
(2)> Drag the blade

Things I'm Just Thinkin' About. [18 Aug 2010|11:22am]

a_silent_wisper
Cutting my leg does not get me the same feeling as cutting my arm.
Cutting my arm feels so much better. So different.
I remember the first time I cut my leg, there were a lot of cuts, and it hurt so bad I could barely walk.
Let alone do gym.
I cursed myself for being so pathetic.
Well here it is, almost two years later and I'm even more pathetic than I was before.
Because now I know the consequences and I still do it.
But now, I don't feel too much pain when I cut.
It's called an addiction.
I regret it. Regret even being curious about going to the blade.
I didn't know what I was getting myself into.
And I didn't think I wouldn't be able to go one day without thinking about doing it.
The sad thing is, it's in my head.
I have the choice in stopping.
This pleasure is in my head.
And I've been spending almost two years telling that part of my brain to shut up, but it is just not working.
My boyfriend says I need to see someone about it.
But how the fuck is that going to help?
I don't need to talk about it because I know the answers.
I know it's in my head. I know that I have a choice in stopping. I know that it's all in my head. And there really is no way to stop wanting to cut.
I just have to ignore it.
It's just super hard.
And I don't want to go through my adult years cutting myself.
I don't want to be an old lady still cutting. Or having disgusting scars on my wrinkly skin.
It's my choice.
And I want this to end.
(6)> Drag the blade

lonely [06 Aug 2010|05:56pm]
samrevealed
[ mood | depressed ]

I am a depressed person. I don't have a family that would care for me. I don't have friends who would listen to me when I am sad. I am all alone in this world. I am lost. I don't know what to do. I just want to end my life. It's weird how the only thing I fear about killing myself is that I might just survive. Someone please guide me. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to look forward for. It's like there's nothing in my life that could make me happy.

(2)> Drag the blade

Volunteers Needed for a Research Study on Self Injury [25 Jul 2010|11:42am]

odu_researcher
Dear LJ Community,
 
The recruitment for our self injury study is now complete.
 
Thank you for your support of our research. Please feel free to email me with any questions you may have.
 
Sincerely,
 
~Tatyana Kholodkov
Graduate Student
Old Dominion University 
Drag the blade

I love you was never a blessing [21 Jul 2010|11:28am]

firstdesign
[ mood | calm ]

     You make me bleed. Your love makes me bleed. It wasn’t like this in the beginning. At the start of us your love was warm and blinding like the sun, but now your love is suffocating. You shove it down my throat and force me to feel. You make me feel too much and it’s not fair! I can’t think I can’t breathe without you sitting there haunting me watching me suffer. So I cut. I let it out. I have to! What you give me is too much! I cover the marks up hoping you won’t get angry but you always do and that just makes things worse…so why won’t you leave me? Please…step back…you suck at being in love anyways.

(1)> Drag the blade

[22 Jun 2010|01:07pm]
reikaneko
I just notice that this community hasn`t been updating in a long time. Well I never introduced myself, so I thought it would be a good idea to post. My name is Anna but I prefer my LJ username instead. I`m 13 years old and I`m a shorty. xD SHORT PRIDE! I`m bi/pansexual, but that does not mean I want to "do it" with every person I see. Although I want to confess I never went out with any body, I always been afraid to ask people out. :P And I`m not on this site for any dating reason XD

I self injure, I haven`t done it in slightly over a month. (Last time I was about may 7.) I don`t know if I`ll ever stop. I already spend most of first quarter of 7th grade cutting myself in the bath room. And not to mention I started hanging out with a girl who lied to me and gets in trouble. When we both hung out, we didn`t get in major trouble such as ending up in jail. I don`t hang out with her anymore since I told her that we couldn`t friends. I really have nothing else to say now, so I guess I`ll end this entry. :/
(1)> Drag the blade

[27 May 2010|08:25am]

paisley_rose92
[ mood | numb ]

i feel so so alone.
even when im surrounded by people i know, i still feel like im the only one.
i cut myself to feel alive..
anything would be better than this numbness.
people dont understand...
its not like i plan to do it to hurt people... its more like it just happens.

my boyfriend who i love with all my heart has never found out about my cutting before.
i hadnt done it in a while and then when everything got fcked up i just did it without thinking..
i was taken to the hospital and when he found out he wouldnt talk to me, wouldnt look at me..
which made me feel i needed to punish myself through selfharm.

im so fcked up.

i want out off all this shit.
it feels like im on a train and im trying to get off, i want to so bad, but i can't..

(2)> Drag the blade

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